Naso: Using Words Before Goats

Next week, I am going to be away. I will be participating in a Conservative Movement Mission trip to visit Jewish communities in Budapest, Paris, and London. I will most likely not be writing a blog post, but will then be back in the swing of things again the following week. Enjoy this week's post, and I'll speak to you all again soon!

A big theme here at Ohev Shalom this past year has been relationships; how do we create a more Relational Judaism? This isn't just an institutional or leadership-focused question, it's a personal one, and an interpersonal one, as well. How do I connect more with the people around me? How do I expand AND deepen my concern for others, both within and outside my community? Our Torah portion this week, Naso, deals with this same question in a very interesting way. It starts out with a goat and a priest, but really it's looking much, much deeper, at questions that affect how you and I live our lives here today.

So the animal sacrifice and the Temple priest are part of an elaborate ritual to apologize for something. "When a man or woman commits any wrong toward a fellow man... and that person realizes his (or her) guilt, he shall confess the wrong that he has done, [and] he shall make restitution in the principal amount... in addition to the ram of expiation with which expiation is made on his behalf" (Numbers, 5:6-8). So the 

last line of that ritual tells us that the offender must bring a sacrifice to the Temple... but it's interesting that he FIRST needs to confess what he's done and make restitution. In other words, the Torah is making sure that you and I know that you can't beg God for forgiveness when you've wronged another person. The sacrifice is not a magical get-out-of-jail card that helps you avoid the awkward moment of apologizing; that "sorry" is still very much needed. And it must be directed to the right person.

In a great Torah commentary on this subject, Rabbi Shai Held highlights several interesting points. First, he quotes Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler, who emphasizes the importance of actual words when you're trying to improve yourself. You can't just THINK about changing, "because when one adds speech to thoughts and feelings, they become firmly established in one's heart. 

The spiritual level one attains through repentance is thus finally established and determined by speech." Rabbi Held then connects this notion to my original point, relationships. He challenges all of us by comparing what it means to "feel sorry" and to SAY "I'm sorry." Rabbi Held writes: "When I regret having treated someone poorly, my regret is, at first, purely internal: It is about me and my relationship to my own character and actions. It is only when I express my regret - when I apologize - that I create a relational space between me and the person I have wronged."

On the one hand, we all know the power of words. Yet, on the other, we still try to find shortcuts, or we think things will be "easier" if we leave them unspoken. Confrontations, apologies, calling someone out; these can all be uncomfortable, awkward, or even hurtful. But they're also 

necessary. We cannot be in authentic relationship with one another without expressing our feelings and our pains. You may not be using a goat or an ancient ritual, but I challenge you to think about times in your life (or in the past week!) when you've tried to move past a difficult situation without directly confronting or addressing the person you REALLY needed to speak to. I'm guessing it's not just me... So let's resolve to try and push ourselves to speak freely and openly a little more often. It will lead to better relationships with all the people around us, but it will also improve our sense of authenticity within ourselves. And let's give the sacrificial (scape) goats a little rest, shall we? They've been through enough...

Photos in this blog post:
1. Image of Relational Judaism, by Dr. Ron Wolfson, courtesy of Rabbi Gerber's iPhone.
2. Clipart image
3. CC image courtesy of junkyardsparkle on Wikimedia Commons
4. CC image of William Holman Hunt's "The Scapegoat" courtesy of Dmitry Rozhkov on Wikimedia Commons