Vayera: Time To Argue With God
Sometimes, things catch your eye. You don't really know why they do, you can't necessarily explain it or justify it, they just do. This happens to me sometimes when reading from the Torah.
Some minor story or side note, passing reference or remark, is mentioned by the narrator, and it just seems odd or out of place, curious and mysterious; I can't help but take note. Oftentimes, however, I can't quite make sense of it or figure out how to turn it into a sermon or blog post, so I just file it away; letting it simmer in the back of my mind, to be analyzed and discussed at some later time. One of those quirky little stories, from this week's Torah portion, has percolated back up to the surface, after years of laying dormant, and I'd like to take a look at it with you and see if we can make some sense of it.
Just a few weeks ago, we read the story of Creation; how God was busy creating the world, the entire universe, really. Three Torah portions later, God finds the time to squabble with individual people in seemingly meaningless conversation. That's a pretty big leap in a short amount of time! In our Torah reading, God comes to visit Abraham and Sarah, disguised as three passing travelers.
Abraham sees through the ruse, and invites them in. One of the guests lets Abraham know that in one year, Sarah will have a child. Sarah overhears the conversation, and laughs at this 'crazy' prediction. By now, they are both senior citizens, and it's a ludicrous suggestion that she'll finally have a son, after being childless her entire life! Many commentators fixate on a wonderful little tactful misquote that takes place at this point in the story. Sarah chuckles to herself, and wonders how she could have a child, what with Abraham being such an old fogey. God hears Sarah's comment (obviously), and asks Abraham: "Why did Sarah laugh, saying, 'Shall I in truth bear a child, old as I am?'" (Genesis 17:13) The rabbis praise God for sparing Abraham's feelings, by telling a small, white lie: She was concerned about HERSELF being old, not Abraham. Nice save, God!
But that's actually NOT the part that catches my eye every year. The part of the story that I really love (but previously couldn't explain) is the next line. God - seemingly a little annoyed at
Sarah's lack of faith - reiterates the promise that she'll be pregnant in a year. Then we read: "Sarah lied, saying: 'I did not laugh.' for she was frightened. But God replied, 'no, you did laugh.' (Gen. 17:15) What is going on here? A little he said/she said (or really, she said/God said)? 'No, I didn't!' 'Yes, you did!' God creates planets, for heaven's sake! (and heavens too!) Why does it matter if Sarah is scared, and tries to back away from a foolish comment? One that she DID try to say just to herself, assuming no one else would know? Why is it worth God's time, and a whole verse in our Torah (which never wastes words), to stand firm on this matter?
After years of being puzzled, but amused, by this line, I think I have an interpretation (and I welcome your feedback and/or own reflections!): I think God wants Sarah to take responsibility for her thoughts and her actions.
God isn't looking to punish her for not believing; it wasn't some horrible offense to God. But Sarah - and all of us - SHOULD own up to her feelings and beliefs. We don't have to hide from God. Our anger, our frustrations, our disbelief; all of these things that can seem 'heretical' are not at all an affront to God. God is only seeking relationship, no strings attached. Even if we think our thoughts are 'bad' or 'wrong,' there's no need to feel ashamed or afraid. God is urging us to take responsibility for ourselves, including our actions AND our thoughts, no matter what we discover. God wants to help us own our experiences, and be present to who we truly are. And surely THAT is worth every moment of God's time.
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