High Holidays 5779 - Rosh Hashanah, Day One

Included below is my main sermon for the morning of Rosh Hashanah, Day One. To read additional sermons from this year's holidays, go to the drop-down list on the right hand side of the screen. Or from the main page, you can keep scrolling down. Thanks!


Rosh Hashanah 5779 - Day 1, Main Sermon
Shanah Tovah!
I want to begin my sermon here on Rosh Hashanah by talking about last year’s High Holidays. Specifically, I want to focus on last Yom Kippur. Don’t worry if you weren’t here for services, I’ll catch you up. I need to be honest with all of you; I’m still dwelling on something that happened a year ago, something that YOU did, or really DIDN’T do! I have been wanting to get this off my chest for nearly an entire year now, and now that I have you all back again, and I’m here on the pulpit, we need to talk.
Last Yom Kippur, I was telling you about FUSE, as I’ve done for a few years now, updating you on our networking group - the Fellowship of Urban-Suburban Engagement - that deals with racism, white privilege, economic injustice, and a myriad other disparities that exist right here, in our Delaware County community. And I decided to take a BIG risk. I invited an incredible presenter, a business owner and military veteran, Michael Miller, Open Mike’s, to come and deliver a spoken word poem on racism from the perspective of an African-American. On the biggest day of the year, in front of our largest crowd, I just went for it. Well, there’s good news and bad news. The good news is, many people told me they were quite moved. The purpose was clear, the poem was heartfelt and real, and the impact was pervasive. It was memorable. The only critique I heard was that Mr. Miller was dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, which some people found inappropriate. Though everyone agreed, his 10-year old daughter was truly dressed to the nines! I felt the messages of fighting injustice, improving relationships, and prioritizing this work; all of that hit home. It was a rousing success, no one was upset. The bad news is… I was kind of disappointed.
Here I was, thinking I was being a maverick. A rogue operator, tearing up the rabbi-script for what you can and cannot do on the High Holidays. I was a provocateur, a rabble-rouser. I was being an edgy rabbi… and then you all just loved it?!?! I told Rebecca, my wife, ahead of time, and she said it was gutsy. I told Rabbi Miller, and her eyebrows went up and she was afraid FOR ME. I was all set to go, bracing myself for impact and repercussions. Ready to defend myself against leadership, congregants, and mass uproar... and you were just fine with it?
Yes, it’s true. If I’m being honest - truly, truly honest - I WAS nervous, and afraid I might be pushing a little too hard, maybe not using the right venue for that message. Clearly, my fears were unfounded. I was left relieved… but also confused, definitely surprised, and indeed, just a LITTLE BIT disappointed. But then I took a step back, and I realized something. You trust me. Here we are, it’s my TENTH High Holiday season with you, we’ve been doing this together for NEARLY a decade now, and even when you don’t agree with everything I’m saying, even when some people feel frustrated when they have wanted more, or different, or less, or silence, or shouting… the majority of you seem to believe and feel that I have the best interests of the congregation at heart, and that I’m doing what I do for the right reasons. Even if and when you don’t know where I’m going with something, and the long-term plan isn’t clear; you trust me. Again, I may be a little disappointed that I’m not the iconoclast I romanticized myself to be… but nevertheless, thank you.
The other lesson I took from last year’s experience was… I clearly need to push harder. Don’t worry, I don’t have a string of secret presenters lined up; each more abrasive and controversial than the next. I’m not going to fake some sort of injury or pretend to be illiterate… again, and I’m not even going to use the entire holiday season to talk only about FUSE. But I do intend to push you. Not just a little bit, but a lot. In year ten of this relationship, we are ready for another level… I hope. Every year, I organize my four main holiday sermons around a theme. This year, my theme is radical honesty. That’s right, I’m just coming straight out and saying it. Many years, I beat around the bush, try to hint at it and build up to it. But there would definitely be something ironic - and maybe even hypocritical - about a theme like “honesty” being shrouded in secrecy! Last year, I tried to be especially super-sly, and I told you the theme was “harmony,” but then intentionally did not speak about the word itself until my final sermon; as if to build towards a crescendo. Yeah, the only problem was, it was SO sly that no one remembered what the theme was! Someone asked me last week, and even I couldn’t remember what last year’s focus had been! Well done, Rabbi Gerber…
None of that this year. I have four sermons planned, all centering on radical honesty and the same accompanying Hebrew word, Emet. It means “truth,” and whether or not you’ve heard it before, you might be surprised to hear how central a word it is to our prayers and our tradition, considering we don’t discuss it all that often. Sometimes it’s central because of OVER-use… and sometimes because of a conspicuous absence. Furthermore, in the spirit of radical honesty and transparency, I even want to tell you right now about the plan for each upcoming sermon.
Later on, this D’var Torah is going to subtly and almost imperceptibly shift over to talking about privilege. We HAVE privilege - we don’t always acknowledge it or WANT TO own it, but we do - and we need to take a long, hard look at it, otherwise we are part of the problem in society today.
Tomorrow morning, I want to talk about Israel. A year ago, I used a phrase that was uncomfortable to hear. People reached out to tell me they didn’t like it, they didn’t agree with it, and it was unpleasant to sit with. So I am - of course - returning to that phrase again, and will dig in even a little bit deeper. Right now, even as I love Israel and am excited to take 40 people on yet another trip in just another month, I firmly believe that Israel does NOT love me back. Stopping people at the airport, flaunting and then denying abuses, doubling down on its support of an orthodox rabbinate that revokes conversions, bullies all non-orthodox groups, and terrorizes ordinary citizens - right now, the STATE of Israel, the government, is engaging in some practices that I cannot defend. But we can’t just pull our support, right? I certainly won’t. So now what? Let’s take an honest look at that tomorrow.
On Kol Nidrei, I want to discuss Ohev Shalom’s inclusivity. How are we welcoming, when do we fall short, what does it mean to live our principles? And listen, we ARE doing well! I love this community. Focusing on straight-talk doesn’t mean ONLY criticizing, or wantonly disparaging ourselves. I want you to know how much I love this place and you crazy people as well! Zeroing in on the “Emet” of our congregation, the “truth” at the core of who we are means openness to all vulnerable emotions; the good, the bad, and yes, the ugly as well. Oh, and since we’re talking about welcoming on Kol Nidrei, I am also going to reveal a couple of secrets about how I remember so many people’s names, including many of your Hebrew names. And I’m even going to tell you my worst mess-up as Ohev’s rabbi, my most embarrassing incident with a congregant. Oy…
And then, finally, on Yom Kippur morning, I want to talk about individual vulnerability. The importance of stripping away our own defences, our walls and barriers to relationship. It’s easier to keep people at arm’s length, but it also means we aren’t real and transparent with others. We don’t see their true selves, and we certainly aren’t opening up OUR inner beings to be seen, witnessed, and embraced by others.
Candidly, that is also going to be the scariest D’var Torah for me personally, because I don’t want to just talk ABOUT putting ourselves out there. Stopping there would leave the whole thing a bit theoretical and might even ring hollow and insincere. No, I need to model what I’m suggesting we all do. Soooo, I want to talk to you a little bit about my weight. Like my actual, physical, personal life-long struggle with size, body image, dieting, scales, and all of it. Unless I lose my nerve completely between now and then, in which case I’ll talk about an ancient Biblical source, or a VERY important Talmudic quote, or just about ANYTHING else to get away from this incredibly uncomfortable topic! Time will tell...

    So that’s the plan, folks. Four sermons on four topics that I think are essential at this moment, as Jews, as Americans, as citizens of the world, and just as human beings, striving to be whole and functional, to be our best selves. I want to also stress to you how important honesty and truth are in our lives. The Hebrew word that’s helping us along on our journey, again, is Emet. It’s three letters, Alef, Mem, Tav, which just happen to be the first, middle, and final letters of the Hebrew alphabet. Not a coincidence, I assure you. This tells us it’s crucial, it’s essential, and needs to permeate everything; as we might say in English, “from a to z.” But in this case, it also needs to be smack in the middle!
    As I hope you’ll discover throughout these sermons, it’s kind of amazing how prevalent “Emet” is at times in our prayer book, while at other times it is then suspiciously missing. Our Machzor, Lev Shalem, even does a good job of highlighting a few of the most central occasions, and we STILL frequently overlook this crucial word! Two of the most important prayers we recite, not just on the High Holidays but EVERY day of the year, are the Shema and the Amidah. They are always situated pretty close together in the Shacharit, morning service, and I want to draw your attention to something in that part of the prayer book. If you want to follow along, it’s on page 78. The three paragraphs of the Shema are chanted, and then the last line, which we recite out loud is… “Adonai Eloheichem EMET!” This means “The Lord, your God, is truth,” or it can also be understood as God saying “I am TRULY Adonai, your God.” In this book, it has even been written on its own line, larger than any other word, highlighting that it links the Shema, together with all previous prayers, to the Amidah and all that follows. But its centrality continues! The editors of our machzor want to make it abundantly clear that Emet is the theme of the liturgical bridge that links together the Shema and the Amidah, by bolding each instance of the word - five more times in just two pages!  There’s a commentary in the margin, starting on p. 78 and even continuing onto the next page, that points out how each instance of Emet introduces another central aspect of the Jewish creed; reminding us that Truth needs to be in all that we do and all that we believe. We also see it as central to what we know about God. The commentary states: “the essence of God is truth - absolute truth may be elusive to us, but God is the ultimate knower of truth.”
    Throughout the High Holidays, we, as Jews, are seeking a relationship with God. We yearn for it, we crave it. I can’t speak for you personally, but at the very least, our liturgy enjoins us to pine and diligently pursue closeness with the Divine. Again, that might not be you, but if you’re even SLIGHTLY on that journey, perhaps just a LITTLE BIT curious to know more about God, then it seems the path to God goes through truth, as we just stated: “the essence of God is truth.” So how can we be more open to truth? What does that look like? Radical honesty, my friends. Radical honesty. And I am using that term quite intentionally. I think we all value ‘honesty,’ writ large. How could we not? It’s a fundamental human value, and a building block for trust, relationship, and safety. But sometimes truth hurts. Sometimes it’s unpleasant and unflattering. It’s easier to smile and say something nice, rather than something true. We bring in concepts like “white lies” and “side-stepping” or “softening” the truth. And sure, there are instances where that makes sense. Being vicious or uncaring in our honesty, what we might call being “BRUTALLY honest”; that doesn’t help anyone. But even if you’re a big fan of kindness over truth, perhaps conflict-averse to the Nth degree, can you state, unequivocally, and completely truthfully, that there’s NO room for change? I think we would ALL do well with a quick check-in on how well we can handle the truth...
    Let’s experiment a little together. A big buzzword these days is “privilege,” which refers, in this context, to bias we receive simply based on who we are, not what we’ve achieved for ourselves. There is white privilege, male privilege, socio-economic privilege, even heterosexual privilege. As an aside, I am the parent of two children who are, or at least currently appear to both be, left-handed, and I have only recently become aware of right-handed privilege. It may sound silly, but we live in a world that assumes right-handedness. Seating at tables, scissors, sports equipment, even handshakes; anti-leftie bias is everywhere! If you yourself are not left-handed, or if you don’t have a close family member or friend is… have you ever even noticed it? I certainly never did...
    See, that’s the key challenge of privilege. Most of the time, you don’t notice it at all. It seems so ironic to say, but you know you have privilege when you DON’T notice it… so, then how could you make yourself aware of it? Hold onto that question for a bit; we WILL come back to it. Right now, I want to focus on one, vital statement: If you aren’t aware of a disadvantage, you’re probably the beneficiary of it. When you leave here today, PLEASE, retain this key concept. I am going to repeat it a couple of times. If you aren’t just naturally aware of a disadvantage, you’re probably the beneficiary of it. Here’s what I mean:
    A few months ago, and unbeknownst to the participants, I held a surreptitious conversation with a group of guys from Ohev’s Men’s Club. It was presented as a conversation ABOUT the #MeToo movement, and our role - as men - in being allies and supporters in this major cultural shift that is taking place around us. But it was surreptitious and sneaky, because that was NOT why we were there. It was a rouse. In my defense, I firmly believe you cannot become an ally, you cannot work on creating change, if you aren’t HONESTLY grappling with your own experience of what it means to be a man. So we NEEDED to talk about ourselves before we could focus on this national movement. That first session was ACTUALLY about confronting our own emotions, and thinking about male role models in our own lives... and frankly how damaged (and damaging) SO many of them were.  My concern was, if I had said the topic was going to be “men and their feelings,” I think I would have been sitting in an empty room for two hours. So it’s TRUE; I misled the guys... but just a little. This year, I hope to continue that conversation, as well as talk about the topic we had advertised… that is, if they’ll trust me again...
    We did, indeed, wind up having a very powerful conversation, and one moment stood out for me at the very end, after the “official” part of the evening had concluded. One participant came over and said to me, “you know, I don’t think of myself walking through the world as A MAN. I always feel that I’m Jewish, and that what I do reflects the Jewish community, but I don’t think of myself as A MAN.” I had to challenge him: “But don’t you think people around you do though? Non-men (meaning women) especially? In their interactions with you, do you think they forget - for even a moment - that you’re a man? Do you think people of minority groups just FORGET that you’re a man AND white?” I even asked if he didn’t think, conversely, that women are acutely aware - probably most, if not ALL, the time - that they are women? Walking along a city sidewalk, deciding what to wear on any given day, sitting in a meeting with men; I venture to say that most women don’t ever just forget that they are women. But men do. I do. If you aren’t aware of a disadvantage, you’re probably the beneficiary of it.
A couple of weeks later, I went walking in the neighborhood with a good friend of mine. We decided to casually stroll onto the grounds of the Spring Haven Country Club, just as a nice place to get exercise and walk freely, without dealing with cars and traffic. Neither of us is a member. At one point, a golf cart zoomed over towards us, and two men stopped, looking quite suspicious, and asked if we needed anything. We told them we were fine, they paused, and then they just left. And my immediate thought was, no way that interaction would have gone like that if we were anything other than white… We strode onto those grounds with the air of privilege wafting off of us, carrying ourselves as if to say, “of course we belong!” and so we were essentially left unchallenged. NO WAY that happens if we’re African-American or Latino or if our skin was any shade darker than it is. It barely even occurred to us that there could be any danger or risk in taking that walk… because for us, there wasn’t. “If you aren’t aware of a disadvantage, you’re probably the beneficiary of it.”
So let’s return then to a challenging question from a few minutes ago: If you don’t instinctively SEE privilege, then how could you possibly ever make yourself notice it? You’ll never guess what my answer will be. “Adonai Eloheichem EMET.” TRUTH! Radical Honesty! Each one of us needs to take a good, hard, long look at ourselves. Now, please remember what I said earlier: Radical honesty does NOT mean brutal honesty. This isn’t about criticism, feeling guilty, or apologizing for privilege. But when you walk through life oblivious to it, you are not only the beneficiary of it, you are likely trodding on someone else who does NOT have that privilege. So you NEED to be honest about it. Bluntly honest; radically honest.
Let me add another TRUE statement that is hard to hear: If you’re not part of the solution, you ARE part of the problem. It may not be your choice, it isn’t malicious, but complicity IS enabling. I recently watched John Oliver, the host of HBO’s Last Week Tonight, interview Anita Hill, the well-known attorney and academic. Hill stated: “Men need to step up… There are no innocent bystanders. If you are aware of something, you acknowledge it, you know it’s wrong, but you DON’T do anything about it, then it’s the same as participating in it.” But this isn’t just about men. There isn’t just one type of inequality. There’s white privilege, socio-economic advantages, heck, even rightie-bias! Save the Southpaws!! None of us are off the hook; there are NO innocent bystanders.
Rosh Hashanah begins the new year, and with it come not only opportunities for renewal and change, but also self-examination, re-evaluation, and yes, an HONEST look at who we are and where we are each going. Do not miss this opportunity. I am not only saying that for you, for your own benefit, but we need you; I need you to be my ally. I’m using every tool at my disposal to rouse you awake and challenge you to STEP UP!
A few minutes ago, before I began this endless D’var Torah and before we put the Torah scrolls back in the Ark, we heard the sound of the shofar. It is, indeed, a well-known symbol of this holiday, possibly the most famous. But it IS a tool, and I NEED you to hear it. A reading in our Machzor reminds us: “Wake up from your slumber! Examine your deeds and turn in repentance, remembering your Creator. You sleepers who forget THE TRUTH while caught up in the fads and follies of the time… take a good look at yourselves. Improve your ways.” I know it isn’t easy to look at your own privilege. But believe me, it’s a whole lot worse for those who don’t have any at all. This isn’t your fault. I’m not saying it is. But if you truly, truly have not noticed all the disadvantages around you, you probably ARE the beneficiary of them. And we need to wake up. We need to look squarely at that truth and know it. It is not only God’s Essence, but ours as well. Now you know, now you are beginning to see the honest truth. It’s time to hear that clarion call, and do something about it.

Shanah Tovah!