I just want you to know, I think you're doing a terrible job. You're making HUGE mistakes right now, and if you don't change your behavior, shape up, and stop being so self-destructive, bad things are going to happen to you.
This, of course, is a good example of how NOT to rebuke someone, if you disagree with how they are behaving. I imagine the paragraph above was a bit startling to read; I can tell you it was even a bit jarring to write. But what happens if this is how you feel? What if these are precisely the sentiments you WISH you could share with someone, but you are worried that it might come out as harsh as my introduction? Or worse, you'll find a way to say it sensitively, but the recipient will hear it the wrong way, be horribly offended, and it will ruin your relationship. We all have opinions. Sometimes they are good opinions, and they come with the best of intentions, yet the reality is that most people do not handle rebuke very well.
In the words of the Etz Hayim Torah commentary, this week's reading, "centers on a brief but eloquent promise of blessings for those who follow God's ways and a lengthy and chilling series of curses for those who reject God's ways." It is chilling indeed, with graphic and intricate descriptions of how bad things will get if we don't follow God's commandments. This section is known as the "Tochecha," meaning "Reproach." But reproach isn't just between God and us; Tochecha is also something we offer to one another. When we feel strongly about how someone
else is acting - perhaps hurting themselves or their loved ones, perhaps making bad choices that they will sorely regret later on - we can offer them Tochecha to encourage them to rethink their behavior. God may choose, in these instances, to use Fire and Brimstone to get the message across, but we generally need something more subtle, like love, support, sympathy, and understanding.
A very good friend and mentor of mine once described feedback as a gift we give another. It is the gift of insight, to help them see something objectively when they were too wrapped up in it to notice the problem themselves. It is a most precious gift, because it is really, really hard to give it properly. It takes courage on the part of the giver, and openness on the part of the receiver. It requires trust and love on both sides, and it can be emotionally and spiritually exhausting for everyone. In short, it ain't easy! But that is precisely why it is so vitally important. It is a gift we cannot afford to withhold. Generation after generation, God sent prophets to rebuke the people and try to get them to change their ways. It was painful for God to chastise the Children of Israel - God's children - over and over, but it was imperative.
Is there room for Tochecha in your life? Think about this for a minute, because there are lots of
possible answers. Is there someone you need to confront? Is someone trying desperately to confront you, even though you don't really want to hear it? Every year in our Torah reading cycle, we read this and two other similar sections of the Bible that rail at us for disobeying God's laws. It's no picnic, and it isn't fun to have to read. But it's important. It is a gift that God is offering us, and a gift that we can offer one another. We just have to be willing to see it as a gift. Are you?
Photos in this blog post:
1. CC image courtesy of gideon_wright on Flickr
2. CC image courtesy of Ernst Vikne on Flickr
4. CC image courtesy of Tony the Misfit on Flickr
5. CC image courtesy of Mykl Roventine on Flickr
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