Va-Yishlach: Some Things We Can't Change

Every week, I meet with a really wonderful group of people for a Torah study class, and we delve into the portion of the Bible that is read in synagogue that week. Recently, we were examining our patriarch Jacob, who lies to his father, cheats his brother, plays favorites among his wives and his sons, and asks questionable requests of God.

After looking at this wonderful resume of "good deeds," the question inevitably came up: "Why does Jacob get to be our patriarch?" And it is indeed a fair question! Why do we look up to Jacob as a role model for ourselves and our children? Couldn't we do a little better than this shmo? (No offense...)

Well, one approach to this question is to reread the character of Jacob. The Talmudic and medieval commentators certainly do their best to try and redeem him. In their minds, he was a scholar, a great leader, a good father and husband, and a pious Jew. Every incident in his life can be read differently, and each time he seemingly misbehaves, there is really more going on under the surface... according to the rabbis.

OR perhaps we could choose to read the Torah honestly, admitting that he begins with serious flaws, but positing that Jacob strives to overcome his misdeeds. In this week's reading, we see that he struggles with an angel and is renamed Yisrael, "one who wrestles with God." Perhaps this marks his transformation, the beginning of his self-improvement and his desire to become a better man. And through this reading, we may begin to feel ok about this patriarch of ours.

But I want to suggest another possibility. Why do we have to label Jacob's actions, and with such rigid categories? Rather than seeing a righteous Jew or a villain, a brilliant leader or a coward, a loyal and loving father or a conniving and treacherous brother - let us strip away all of these nuanced readings and see him as something more simple: our ancestor. In a way, asking the question, "Why does Jacob get to be our patriarch?" is like saying to your mother's father: "Who said you could be my grandfather!?!" Whether we like it or not, we are descended from Jacob, and so we read about his life because it sheds light on our own origins and the history of our people.

Some things in life we have no control over. We choose our friends, but we are born with our relatives. We would love to imagine that everyone in our family tree was a hero, a scholar, or a king. But more likely than not, they were real people who messed up occasionally, and who lived challenging lives filled with hardship and tough choices.

The Torah exposes every one of Jacob's flaws, which in my opinion gives us license to criticize, question, and chastise. And when we look to draw lessons for our own lives, we have the right to say that Jacob teaches us what NOT to do, more than behaviors we would want to emulate! But through it all, he is our ancestor. Were it not for him, we wouldn't be here. Just as we cannot choose our parents, siblings, children, or cousins, we also cannot pick our patriarchs and matriarchs. And we have to make our peace with them all.

Shabbat Shalom!