This week’s Torah portion includes the gravest, most inexcusable sin of the entire Exodus narrative; the building (and worshiping) of the Golden Calf. Even that is really saying something, because throughout their 40 years of wandering, the Israelites grumble against God, rebel (and nearly kill!) Moses and Aaron, and immediately upon receiving the commandments, begin breaking them. So to say this is their absolute *worst* transgression means it’s really quite terrible. They take the gold that was supposed to be used to construct the Tabernacle, and they melt it down into an idolatrous statue. They flaunt their rebellion against Moses and God with song, dance, and idol worship. It’s just so utterly embarrassing for them. How do you come back from something like that?
I think there are a few layers here. There’s the violation itself; the breakdown in communication and relationship with God, but also with Moses, and even with Aaron; and then we also should consider the aftermath as well. In terms of the sin itself, there’s certainly no place to hide, and no (good) excuses to mitigate what they did. Moses comes down from the mountain, catches them red-handed, and immediately begins to yell and chastise them. Some of the worst offenders are even killed by the Levites for their abominable behavior. Interestingly, God is the one who wants to sever the bond right then and there. God cannot imagine any reconciliation, repentance, or forgiveness. In Exodus, 32:10, God declares to Moses: “Now let Me be, that My anger may blaze forth against them and that I may destroy them, and make [instead] of you a great nation.” Even though Moses too is distraught, he nevertheless speaks up on their behalf, and convinces God not to wipe them all out. Perhaps the Torah wants us to know that teshuva - repentance - is always, always possible; no matter how bad things look or feel.
We often look at this story mainly from the perspectives of God or Moses, but what was going through the minds of the Israelites? They selfishly committed this atrocity without thinking about God - who had freed them from slavery through miracle after miracle - or about Moses, who basically gave up his entire life to lead them through the wilderness. And they can’t take it back. They can’t undo the damage caused, but simply have to live with this terrible shame… yet somehow also keep going. The medieval commentator, Rashi, adds an ominous perspective, commenting on Ex. 32:34, when God states, “… but [in the future,] when I make an accounting, I will bring them to account for their sins.” Rashi imagines God saying to Moses: “At present I listen to you and will refrain from consuming them all at once - but ever and ever throughout the ages, when I am visiting them for their sins, I shall visit them at the same time for a little of this sin in addition to their other sins for which I am then punishing them. Indeed no punishment ever comes upon Israel in which there is not part payment for the sin of the golden calf.” Like the Mark of Cain or a Scarlet Letter - this violation will never go away.
This all sounds and seems just awful. And it absolutely is. Yet I also see our ancestors continuing to wander in the desert. And later, in generation after generation, even as they still feel the sting of humiliation for this horrific sin, they too keep going. One foot in front of the other, one day after the next; they commit themselves to the hard work of teshuva. Sometimes that means continually saying you’re sorry, even if you’re worried you won’t be believed or heard. Sometimes it means sitting in the deep pain of your own actions, and acknowledging the awful rippling effects of that idolatrous act. As a people, they don’t give up. They keep going and growing, and trying to be better in the future. They endeavor to learn from their mistakes and their terrible decision-making. And I think continuing to talk about this story and acknowledging what they did can help each of us today grapple with the worst moments in our own lives as well. Their sin was really bad. Just devastatingly awful, actually. If they could keep walking and keep staying in relationship, despite everything that had happened and what they had done, surely we can as well, no matter what.
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