There is a weird dichotomy in our brains. On the one hand, we all hope and pray that life will be easy, free of pain, devoid of suffering and struggle, and as relaxing and peaceful as possible. That is the hope, the aspirational goal.
And yet, on the other hand, we also know that challenge, obstacle, even illness and grief, can be formative. We are most proud when we achieve something difficult, not something easy or effortless. We feel accomplished when we previously failed repeatedly at something, only to FINALLY crack the code! So how do we reconcile these two competing feelings; that it would be ideal to be conflict-free, yet the conflict itself brings out our perseverance, grit, and resilience, and actually helps us grow as human beings?
Think about your own life: What are the moments that feel defining, that have shaped you as a person? Often they are related to adversity, or at least the overcoming of something tough. Partly what we then ALSO have to acknowledge, is that growth doesn’t occur in a straight line, in a direct and consistent trajectory. We respond and react, and are sometimes pushed to grow when we least expect it… or want it.
This, to me, is at the core of our introspection and mindfulness every High Holiday season. Each of us is urged to look back at our lives and notice patterns and changes, and to start the year ahead with more awareness of where we are going and why... and also know that we are preparing (and bracing…) for challenges we can’t yet even imagine!
I guess what I really want to say to you is: It isn’t one or the other; we need both. We strive for (and sometimes reach) calm and ease, which allows us to enjoy and be grateful… yet inevitably we also experience challenge and adversity, which makes us grow and evolve. It’s not an either-or – it’s both-AND.
The High Holidays are coming in just a few weeks. I won’t tell you my sermon theme for this year just yet, but I WILL tell you the word “And” is central. Each of us is not defined by one thing, one behavior, one experience. Life ebbs and flows, it has high points and low ones, and we learn and grow from everything that happens (ideally, anyway…). Our lives, our religion, our congregation, our holidays; they aren’t black OR white, good OR bad. They are many things all at once, they are a combination of so many factors and elements. We need to see and reflect on all of them: The positive AND the negative, the joy AND the grief, the easy AND the hard.
This year, let’s focus on the “And”; seeking harmony between disparate emotions and conflicting experiences. If we step INTO the challenges and INTO the complexities, we might just emerge on the other side with greater peace, wholeness, AND…
A Shanah Tovah u’Metukah – A Good & Sweet New Year!
Sincerely,
Rabbi Gerber
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