Rabbi’s Message,
December, 2018: What If It Isn’t Spam?
“Sir, I want to
serve GOD. I am searching [for] the kingdom of GOD. After my death, I want to
see my LORD in heaven. I want to hear the voice of GOD like Samuel. I want to
live [a] holy life.”
This was the message I recently received on Facebook. I didn’t know the sender, and - to be honest - I was pretty certain it was spam. We all get trash like this, and as a rabbi and clergy person, I am perhaps uniquely exposed to Jewishly-themed spam (wow, that phrase sounds weird...). But, for some reason, I responded. I figured I could give him two or three BRIEF replies, and if/when he indeed proved crazy - no harm, no foul. It’s not like I was giving him credit card info or anything!!
My new Facebook “friend” told me he was 29 years old and from India. He still lives in India, he’s married, and he has an infant daughter. He continued to reiterate his fervent desire to “each and every second” speak to, and hear the voice of, God. He wanted some reading recommendations, so I sent him some titles he could purchase on Amazon.com. Then, our conversation shifted tone.
He asked for more information about the Ten Commandments, and then wrote: “Rabbi, detail[ed] explanation about 6th commandment??” (His English wasn’t too great...) He wanted to know more about the prohibition against adultery, and what specifically was forbidden. Then I discovered, to my surprise, why he was ACTUALLY reaching out to me: He was desperate for help! His wife could not risk getting pregnant again, and they “knew” the Bible said non-procreative sex was a sin. What followed was a series of detailed questions about relationships and relations, the graphic nature of which need not be repeated here. The main point is, he was not a scam artist at all; he was a stressed out young man who was worried that God was going to punish him. So why am I sharing all of this with you here? Well, I have two reasons.
Early in our conversation, this individual said he’d tried frantically to reach ANYONE who could help him: “I just search rabi and Jewish people and I gave request to so many but you only accept my request.” But with his broken English and his peculiar talk of “the Kingdom of GOD,” most people just assumed he was either spam or a scam. So it was a humbling reminder not to judge too quickly. We can be vigilant and careful, and we must protect ourselves, our families, and our privacy. BUT, it’s also ok to extend a hand and a compassionate ear, because you never know who needs help and has trouble asking for it.
The second reason I wanted to recount this experience relates to my theme this year of Radical Honesty. We don’t talk about sex. As Jews, as Americans, as grownups; we just avoid the topic all the time. It’s embarrassing, it’s private, it’s inappropriate. But this poor guy was carrying puritanical understandings of intimacy, sin, and shame, feeling lonely and judged, and no one was willing to help him. The things that others had taught him about the Bible were - in my opinion - wrong and harmful, and I said as much to him. I’m glad I was able to assist this one individual… but it also makes me wonder how many others are out there, people who “know” the Bible disapproves, and have just given up on asking a rabbi or priest. My guess is, many of them aren’t even as far away as India…
This was the message I recently received on Facebook. I didn’t know the sender, and - to be honest - I was pretty certain it was spam. We all get trash like this, and as a rabbi and clergy person, I am perhaps uniquely exposed to Jewishly-themed spam (wow, that phrase sounds weird...). But, for some reason, I responded. I figured I could give him two or three BRIEF replies, and if/when he indeed proved crazy - no harm, no foul. It’s not like I was giving him credit card info or anything!!
My new Facebook “friend” told me he was 29 years old and from India. He still lives in India, he’s married, and he has an infant daughter. He continued to reiterate his fervent desire to “each and every second” speak to, and hear the voice of, God. He wanted some reading recommendations, so I sent him some titles he could purchase on Amazon.com. Then, our conversation shifted tone.
He asked for more information about the Ten Commandments, and then wrote: “Rabbi, detail[ed] explanation about 6th commandment??” (His English wasn’t too great...) He wanted to know more about the prohibition against adultery, and what specifically was forbidden. Then I discovered, to my surprise, why he was ACTUALLY reaching out to me: He was desperate for help! His wife could not risk getting pregnant again, and they “knew” the Bible said non-procreative sex was a sin. What followed was a series of detailed questions about relationships and relations, the graphic nature of which need not be repeated here. The main point is, he was not a scam artist at all; he was a stressed out young man who was worried that God was going to punish him. So why am I sharing all of this with you here? Well, I have two reasons.
Early in our conversation, this individual said he’d tried frantically to reach ANYONE who could help him: “I just search rabi and Jewish people and I gave request to so many but you only accept my request.” But with his broken English and his peculiar talk of “the Kingdom of GOD,” most people just assumed he was either spam or a scam. So it was a humbling reminder not to judge too quickly. We can be vigilant and careful, and we must protect ourselves, our families, and our privacy. BUT, it’s also ok to extend a hand and a compassionate ear, because you never know who needs help and has trouble asking for it.
The second reason I wanted to recount this experience relates to my theme this year of Radical Honesty. We don’t talk about sex. As Jews, as Americans, as grownups; we just avoid the topic all the time. It’s embarrassing, it’s private, it’s inappropriate. But this poor guy was carrying puritanical understandings of intimacy, sin, and shame, feeling lonely and judged, and no one was willing to help him. The things that others had taught him about the Bible were - in my opinion - wrong and harmful, and I said as much to him. I’m glad I was able to assist this one individual… but it also makes me wonder how many others are out there, people who “know” the Bible disapproves, and have just given up on asking a rabbi or priest. My guess is, many of them aren’t even as far away as India…
So I’ll state it
explicitly: My door is open. I’m happy to challenge your views on what Judaism
permits and forbids… and I would be honored and grateful for the opportunity to
discuss ANY difficult subject that you’d like to share. If it’s easier, you can
also text, e-mail, or write to me on Facebook Messenger. I hope you’ll take me
up on this offer. Oh, and I promise I won’t dismiss your message as spam...
Sincerely,
Rabbi Gerber
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