Beha'alotecha: Go Away... but Stay!

The Israelites are angry. This week, we continue reading about their travels through the wilderness on the way to the Promised Land. You might have thought that the pervasive mood in the desert would be joy, considering the slavery they left behind in Egypt. Perhaps we'd even settle for "Wow, it's hot out here!"

But no, throughout most of the stories we read about the ancient Israelites and their Exodus, they're mostly just mad. The bulk of that ire is directed at Moses and God, and it slowly begins to dawn on us, the readers, that the people simply don't want to be here. It wasn't actually their choice to leave. They begged God for relief from slavery, sure, but mass-emigration? No way! Sometimes when we're really upset, we say hurtful things, just to make others feel as bad as we do. In this case, the Israelites say the most painful and mean-spirited thing they can think of to God. And it really does hurt.

It actually boils down to just one word. In chapter 11 of the Book of Numbers, the people have had it. They are tired, hungry, frustrated, and perhaps most of all, hungry. The desert is miserable. And then, they snap: "The Israelites wept and said, 'If only we had meat to eat!

We remember the fish that we used to eat - free! - in Egypt; the cucumbers, melons, leek, onion, and garlic! Now our gullets are shriveled. There is nothing at all! Nothing but this manna to look at.'" (11:4-6) And I get it. It's rough terrain, and they weren't prepared for it. I can even accept that Egypt was (apparently) the Garden State of ancient empires; filled with glorious farmers' markets as far as the eye could see! But the real insult is the word chinam, "free." Can you imagine how utterly insulting it was for God and Moses to hear the Israelites depict Egypt as the place of freedom, juxtaposed with the SLAVERY of the desert?!?

This entire enterprise was all about rescuing the Israelites from bondage, from centuries of oppression. Yet already the people seem to have forgotten the whips, beatings, and back-breaking labor, and instead they describe Egypt as a summer camp cookout!

Needless to say, both God and Moses react with frustration, disappointment, and chastisement. But I actually want to pause the action for a second, and perhaps flip our understanding of what's going on. Change is hard. And breaking self-destructive habits can be BEYOND difficult; it can be excruciating. And our Torah portion reminds us that family, friends, mentors, and all those around us suffer along with us. We all experience this in life. From more mundane examples like training a rebellious toddler or living with a disgruntled and entitled teenager, to more extreme examples like helping someone overcome an addiction, leave an abusive relationship, or mourn a painful loss. We often reject change. We actively fight against it, and sometimes we even lash out at anyone and everyone nearby... even if they are standing so close because they are trying to help.

The Torah understands, this is painful for everyone. Heck, even GOD hits a breaking point with these defiant Israelites!! Family and friends have the power to heal us and talk us down off ledges. But they can also hurt us in ways much deeper than total strangers. And yet, we still need

to stand in that breach. The most important thing that God and Moses do is... stay. That, to me, is actually the lesson of our parashah. When done right, relationships make us vulnerable. We let people into our inner lives, and allow them to see our insecurities and idiosyncrasies. It can be really scary. But that also makes the bonds stronger, which we may need in times of trouble and sadness. The Israelites say hurtful things, because they themselves are hurting. We have to stick with them - like Moses and God do - because they're going to rebel a bunch more times before we're done reading the Torah. Instead of turning our backs or throwing our hands up, let's practice staying. It will make us feel closer to them in the long run, and will transform their story into ours. That's how relationships are formed, and that's how they endure. Stay, and you'll see what I mean.

Photos in this blogpost:
1. CC image courtesy of Stas1995 on Wikimedia Commons
2. CC image courtesy of North Market on Wikimedia Commons
3. CC image courtesy of Ser Amantio di Nicolao on Wikimedia Commons
4. CC image courtesy of Raz.sofer12 on Wikimedia Commons