Throughout the Book of Genesis, the theme of family takes center stage. Not necessarily in a life-is-grand, they-all-lived-happily-ever-after, Cosby-family sort of way, but rather in a more troubled and complex form, much more similar to our own lives. Abraham had to navigate jealousy and rivalry between his two wives Sarah and Hagar, and Isaac had to contend with three family members scheming and plotting around him. We now move on to Jacob, who truly has the toughest time of all... but also has the most to teach us about family relations.
To begin with, Jacob meant to only
marry one woman, but somehow wound up with her (Rachel), her sister (Leah), her hand-maiden (Bilhah), and her sister's hand-maiden (Zilpah). Now here's where the "fun" really begins. For nearly a full chapter of the Torah, we never see any of the characters interact in a loving or even mundane way. All we hear about are struggles for Jacob's affection, and the birthing of children as pawns in a chess game. The wives even go so far as to name their children according to their emotions at that moment, starting with Leah's son, Reuven, meaning, "Now my husband will love me" (Gen. 29:32). Yikes!
Our Torah portion spans 20 years, and we hardly hear of any positive interactions between anyone; the wives don't speak to one another, the children don't speak to one another, and Jacob barely talks to any of them. Things aren't looking good for this rapidly expanding family, but then something changes. There is a moment when Jacob seems initially to be speaking at his
wives, perhaps delivering some sort of sermon, as he waxes poetic about his relationship to God. But as it turns out, he is asking them for advice. And not only do they tell him what to do, they speak in unison, which indicates that they might be getting along again. They are no longer talking past one another; they are communicating.
As the family saga progresses from here, we see that they hit major road blocks whenever they don't talk to one another. A generation later, Jacob's sons loathe their youngest brother, Joseph, and feel tremendous rage and jealousy towards him. The Torah tells us, "they hated him so that they could not speak a friendly word to him" (Gen. 37:4). When they communicate, however, problems are resolved. We are constantly reminded throughout Genesis, and specifically in the lives of Jacob and his son Joseph, that silence leads to trouble and distrust, while open dialog resolves conflicts and strengthens bonds.
Isn't this true for us today as well? Our lives aren't much like the Cosby Show either, but practically every episode of every sitcom on TV starts out with someone telling a lie, getting in trouble, and gradually realizing that telling the truth solves all their problems. It's a good plotline, because it has made sense to audiences since the time of the Bible, and it still resonates with us today. Communication and open dialog are the first (and
sometimes only) tools that help us resolve the sticky situations we get ourselves into. Family dynamics are fraught with challenges; just ask our patriarchs and matriarchs! But the Torah also gives us the means to solve problems and see the blessings in our lives, we just have to be open to hearing that message. Are you?
No comments:
Post a Comment