The Torah pushes us to lean into the uncomfortable. Honestly, so does the rest of the Tanach, and the rabbis pretty much follow suit as well. You ever try reading the story of the Binding of Isaac?
It's agonizing and heartbreaking... and the text wants you to be there for all of it, and not miss any of those emotions. Are they fun? No, not especially. Are they absolutely essential to be a fully-functional human being? 100% yes! How can you be compassionate, if you don't feel the pain of someone else's suffering? How could you care about the environment, if you don't feel any guilt or shame about leaving an absolutely awful mess for some other generation to clean up? Think about it; it's true for any unpleasant, uncomfortable, undesirable emotion. Even "disgust" has been studied, and linked to poison avoidance and
disease prevention behaviors. I know it is hard and painful to sit with those emotions... but the Torah requires it of us, and I submit to you that at this very moment in human history - facing a pandemic and being forced to look face-to-face at the history of racism in society - it is more crucial than ever.
Our Torah portion offers a perfect example of this. And one that is DOUBLY upsetting, because our ancient ancestors might not have been disturbed by this text at all. And frankly, that doesn't matter right now, because it's troubling to you and me, and the Torah is speaking to us - right now - and wants us to feel fully our challenging emotions.
The legal issue that is being dealt with in our reading is known as the "Sotah," or a woman suspected of adultery. You will recall, I'm sure, that this is an ancient patriarchal text we're talking about here, so you probably already suspect that this isn't going to end well for the woman. Indeed, she is put through a humiliating ritual, involving drinking water mixed with dust from the floor (!?!?) of the Tabernacle, and a series of incantations and public declarations that basically ASSUME she is guilty. I find it especially irksome and repugnant, because one of the verses introducing the case of the Sotah states: "[if] a fit of jealousy comes over him and he is wrought up about his wife who has defiled herself - or if a fit of jealousy comes over one and he is wrought up about his wife
although she has NOT defiled herself - the man shall bring his wife to the priest" (Numbers 5:14-15). So right off the bat, the text actually *admits*, blatantly, that this entire thing might be based purely on suspicion and jealousy, and be unfounded. But, she's put through the ringer nonetheless...
I couldn't help but think of this story, of the Sotah, when I read (over and over and over again...) about the horrific killings of African-Americans in our country, especially at the hands of law enforcement. Like the Sotah, the suspected adulteress, they are assumed guilty instantly, and the burden of proof is entirely on the "alleged criminal," i.e. innocent civilian, to prove that they weren't up to something.
One article that really crystallized what this might feel like for the victim, was a first-person account of being stopped by the police, written by a college professor, Steve Locke.
It's called "I Fit the Description," and you can read it here. When you hear about the Sotah in the Bible, or read Locke's account, or watch the videos and read about the murders of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and countless, countless others - what emotion do you feel? I think (I hope) I can image a few different options, but I don't want to name them for you. What I want you to do is, feel that emotion or those emotions. Sit with them. Do they hurt? Do they make you squirm and shift in your seat? Or do you suddenly feel hungry, sleepy, distracted, or any number of other things, that almost certainly just *happened* to appear to desperately try to get you away from this pain?? It's not fun. I know. I get it.
No one is asking you to feel that all the time, every day, wherever you go in life. But wouldn't you perhaps agree that even the feelings we DON'T like probably have *some* function, some purpose? They're trying to tell us something that is vital - perhaps even life-threatening - for us to ignore? In this case, it might not even be your own life that is fatally at risk.
But our Jewish tradition, our ancient sages, and this rabbi writing to you RIGHT NOW, are all imploring you to stay with the outrage, deep sadness, disbelief, and yes, even perhaps disgust, that you might be experiencing. Because we cannot stand idly by. And if we do ANYTHING other than act right now, we are indeed standing idly by. If you've ever been upset about Jews being oppressed or killed, discriminated against or harassed, and if you've thought to yourself, "well this isn't just a Jewish problem; EVERYONE should be upset about this!!", then please remember this: It's easy to ask others to stand up for you, it's harder to stand up for someone else. What can you DO? Well, on Facebook, I wrote #ListenAndAmplify. I believe this is a moment to listen to one another, and to amplify and raise up the suffering of the people around us. But not just passively; we need to seek out opportunities to #ListenAndAmplify. This is a momentous time to be alive. Scary, chaotic, and unknown, for sure, but also pivotal. Let us be fully present to this experience, using the entire range of emotions at our disposal, and let us begin the long journey towards change, healing, and ultimately peace and understanding.
CC images in this blog post, courtesy of:
