It is hard to take stock, and to feel appreciation and gratitude, when we are also angry and frustrated. These emotions are just too far apart, and
they feel too incongruent to be able to hold them up at the same time. But sometimes we have to. Or we have to push ourselves to try. Right now, as we prepare for the Presidential Inauguration, most people in this country are feeling SOMETHING about that process. It is a significant political shift, and whether you have spent eight years feeling frustrated, or are apprehensive about what lies ahead, or something else along that spectrum; it is certainly also a moment to take stock. So how do we make that happen?
Our Torah portion gives us an example of what I'm talking about, but I don't know if it really helps us figure out HOW to do it ourselves. But let's start there and see where we go. This week's
parashah concludes the Book of Genesis.
We read about the deaths of Jacob and his son, Joseph, and we shift from the story of one family, to that of an entire nation. As Jacob nears the end of his life, we see a lot of mixed emotions. He has regrets and frustrations, unresolved anger and grievances. He laments having to bury his beloved wife, Rachel, by the side of the road rather than in the family tomb. He rebukes several of his sons for their bad behavior and poor choices. He expresses sadness over the heartbreak and loss he has endured. And yet, he also acknowledges how lucky he is as well. There is a beautiful, though often overlooked, moment in our reading, where Jacob is about to bless his grandsons, Menashe and Ephraim. He kisses each of them, then turns to his son, Joseph, and exclaims: "I never expected to see you again, and here God has let me see your children as well" (Gen. 48:11). What a gift! What an unbelievable blessing. He thought his favored son was gone forever, and now, not only have the two men been reunited, but Jacob will be able to die knowing Joseph's line is secured. It is an uplifting moment of gratitude and tremendous blessing.
This is hard for us to do. I just want to say that, because inevitably someone will say to me, "You know, you make it sound so easy!" Well, I'm sorry then, because I don't mean to. It IS hard. Can we look back on the past and say "thank you" for good things, successes, breakthroughs, and triumphs... even when we also feel sadness, anger, and
disillusionment? And if we're scared and worried about the future, can we also embrace the potential of it, the new possibilities and ways in which our eyes may be opened? The children of Israel probably had high hopes for their rapidly expanding family, and their new life in Egypt. But surely they were not so naive as to think nothing could POSSIBLY go wrong?? The future is uncertain and precarious. Yet they were optimistic. And, for a time, they were right.
Last week, I wrote about blessings inside curses, and vice versa. Today I want us to hold onto the full range of emotions, and be truly thankful, without the need to say "yes, but..." or wanting to qualify or mitigate our feelings.
This weekend is also the time when we remember Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. His is a legacy of hope and optimism. Not because he saw the fruits of his labor or lived in a world where he was accepted and
beloved, and certainly not because he was too naive or wide-eyed. None of that was true. And yet, he never lost faith. Hope is a choice. Sure, we should also face the reality of the challenges we face, and be vigilant and outspoken about issues that concern us. But we CAN do all that and STILL be hopeful and grateful, positive and optimistic. Dr. King once said, "We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope." This is not a factual description of how things are; it is a choice. Slavery in Egypt happened. Civil Rights happened. And in another week, an Inauguration will happen. Those are facts. But we still get to choose hope, and we get to choose to see the blessings in our lives and name them.
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