Ki Tavo: Living in Unfamiliar Shoes

The bulk of our commandments, and certainly the ones most people have an easier time relating to, are the ones between people; what the rabbis call "Mitzvot Bein Adam La-Chaveiro" (lit. "Commandments between a man and his friend," though if these two gentlemen were really friends, they probably wouldn't need commandments to guide their interactions...).

There is a lot we could talk about here. Mitzvot about helping people who are in need, giving tzedakah (charity) to those less fortunate, not stealing, not injuring, gossip, slander, fair business interactions, writing mean things on their Facebook page - we could go on for hours!

But what does it all boil down to? What is the essence of Mitzvot Bein Adam La-Chaveiro? And since you're on my blog page, I'll tell you what I think. It's accepting someone else's position. It's being able to say that I do it my way, and you do it your way, and I'm ok with that. Now you're all nodding and saying, "Yeah, sure, that's easy!" Yet rarely are people able to do it. If you support universal healthcare, do you want to hear people who disagree with you? Are you willing to let them talk about it and not chastise them or attack them? If you think Obama's a horrible president, are you willing to listen to people who love him? We say we accept people with views different than our own, but do we really?


In Pirkei Avot, "Ethics of our Fathers," one of our greatest teachers, Hillel, says, "Do not judge your fellow human being till you stand in his situation" (Chapter 2, Mishna 5). Most of us are more familiar with the saying, "Don't judge someone till you've walked in their shoes." But that expression lets too many people off the hook. We need to push ourselves to step into those unfamiliar shoes. I urge you, challenge yourself to learn about, and learn to accept, the position of someone who totally disagrees with you. You don't have to change your mind! But so many of us cannot fathom how the other side thinks. We would much rather attack them and demonize them, saying they want to kill our grandparents, steal our organs, rob us blind, or send us to war.

Overwhelmingly, the issues we are dealing with are not black and white, with a right and a wrong answer (and no, your issue is NOT the exception). We all feel passionately about our causes, but so do the people debating on the other side. We don't need to let ourselves be convinced by their arguments, but if we can't hear what they have to say without jumping up to protest or shaking our heads in frustration and anger, we're never going to get anywhere or make ourselves heard. They may not be willing to listen to you in return, but if you don't take that first step (in your uncomfortable new shoes), who will?

This holiday season, push yourself to explore your relationship with other people. Open yourself up to the uncomfortable experience of talking (and listening) to someone with totally alien values from your own. It may not happen right away, but hopefully one day they will reciprocate, and we can all start having much more understanding and productive discourse. But for right now, let's just focus on you, and on one uncomfortable step at a time.