Ha'azinu: The Hardest Person to Forgive

Well, the High Holidays are almost upon us. Not only does this mean it's time for apples and honey, beating our chests, hearing the shofar blasts, wearing white, and sitting through hours of services, but it also means my blog series on Relationships is coming to a close. We've talked about the way we relate to God, to the people around us, and to our family members. And now, it's time to examine what I consider the hardest relationship of them all. Really, we should have begun with this one, but I didn't want to lay too much on you at the outset, so I waited to the end.

Michael Jackson (may he rest in peace) wrote a beautiful song called "The Man in the Mirror," and how he was talking to this enigmatic mirror-fellow and asking him to change his ways. I wholeheartedly agree, and I ask all of you, when was the last time you talked to yourselves? We often shrug off the concept because it sounds silly or childish (or perhaps a little crazy), but few of us have ever taken the time to really understand ourselves. I meet people all the time who are depressed, confused, or lost, and who seem to never have taken the time to truly examine who they are. Do you know the answer to these questions: What drives you? What are you good at? And perhaps more importantly, what are you not good at? What are your own shortcomings, and have you come to terms with them? Have you learned to accept them? Sadly, most of us have not.

And if you've followed me this far, I would like to push you one step further. Do you love yourself? Or at least like yourself? Again, it sounds like a silly question, but I fully believe that it is not. It is, in fact, the first question we should be asking ourselves when we begin to think about relationships. How can you interact with others, and be helpful to someone else, if you don't like yourself? Some people bury their own problems by spending their time helping others, but in the long run they are doing themselves a disservice. The healthier you are, the more good you can do for others.

This High Holiday season, pick an area to work on. There are so many relationships we could focus on, the ones I've mentioned and an infinite amount of other ones. Don't try to do too much, because it won't be a lasting change; just make it significant enough that it'll stick. But if you haven't started with yourself, I highly recommend you do. Start to get to know yourself, examine where you've been and where you're heading, and above all, forgive yourself. Whatever it is, you CAN let it go.

Hillel the Elder is often quoted as saying "If I am only for myself, what am I?" and "If not now, when?" But the first part of that quote is just as important, and is sometimes forgotten: "If I am not for myself, who will be for me?" Take care of yourself this year, and you WILL become a blessing to others.

Shana Tovah!