This week, we are starting the fourth book of the Torah, B'Midbar. In English, it is called the Book of Numbers (which honestly isn't the most helpful or descriptive of titles...). More than perhaps any of the other books, I truly prefer this one's Hebrew name over the English. The first book of the Torah is our origin story, from Adam & Eve, through Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and his wives, and Joseph bringing the family down to Egypt. The second book focuses on the Exodus story (hence it becomes the name of the book...) and some of the very initial travels of the Israelites into the desert. Then the third book pauses in the narrative to give us the law code of the Levitical priests as well as some basic principles for Israelite living, and - of course - the Commandments. The fifth book will mainly focus on Moses' own retelling of the story, and his farewell address to the people. This book now, B'Midbar, really gets into the trials and tribulations of the Israelites during their wanderings in the desert.
Twice in that first paragraph (above) I mentioned the term "desert," which is sometimes used as the translation for the Hebrew name of our book. But I actually much prefer to translate "Midbar" as "wilderness." Because the emphasis isn't so much on the topography surrounding them, nor on the prevalence of sand, sun, or vast dunes. This is the most important and formative time for our ancient ancestors, and the experience that will transform them from a ragtag band of former slaves, into a nation-building, cohesive people that is ready to conquer territory and defend it. So what I love about the term Midbar is that it really evokes a neutralizing of everything that came before. It's almost like a blank canvas, a reset, and a new opportunity for the Children of Israel to redefine themselves and shape their own destiny.
What especially resonates with me about this notion is the importance of different experiences throughout our lives. We sometimes think that the ideal would be safety, security, calm, and ease. Maybe a picturesque home in a quiet suburban neighborhood, where nothing difficult or challenging ever takes place. And yet, we do not grow in such an environment. It is like the cool-down portion of an exercise routine. Sure, it would be lovely if we could sit in a sauna for an hour and build muscle, but that's just not how it works! We need effort, exertion, resistance, and yes, pain. So safety and calm are great for vacation, for replenishing our energy, and for taking stock. But then we have to venture out into the proverbial wildernesses of our lives, because THAT is where growth happens.
When we change the term from "desert" to "wilderness," we also open up to some important connections to our own experiences. Most of us haven't spent 40 years hiking through a desert... but maybe we have felt lost, cold, afraid, and alone, fumbling our way through the metaphoric "wildernesses" of addictions, terrible illnesses, heartbreaking loss, and - I venture to say for EVERYONE on the planet right now - chaotic, life-altering pandemics. It isn't relaxing or enjoyable, but it is actually necessary for us to evolve, build resilience and inner strength, and to discover abilities within ourselves that we may never know we ever had to begin with. The Israelites experience absolutely transformative change in their
midbar, and we should aspire to do the same. We honestly don't get to determine WHAT happens to us in life; we only get to decide how to respond to it, how to learn from what we've been through, and we can choose to be strengthened by it. To me, that is the lesson of ALL the wilderness experiences we may go through in life. It isn't easy, and it may in fact be harrowing and daunting. Nevertheless, we march on, and we do our best to grow and evolve with every step we take.
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