L'Chaim (newsletter) article - November, 2019: Benefits of the Buddy System

From time to time, congregants tell me they SHOULD attend services more, they SHOULD come to Bible class or the monthly Lunch n’ Learn, and they SHOULD spend more time in the synagogue building. As you (hopefully) can imagine, I’m not a big fan of “should’s.” Yet I also understand where that guilty feeling may be coming from, and I want to discuss one barrier in particular that may keep people away from Ohev. And I’d like to offer a potential remedy...

Some people are daunted by the prospect of walking in alone. Maybe you aren’t so familiar with the Hebrew, the tunes, the regular attendees… or all of the above. Well, what if you weren’t entirely on your own? And where I USED TO think a solution might be partnering you with someone more familiar and comfortable in the service, I now wonder if people might prefer to enter with someone equally nervous and out of their element?? What if you connected with another congregant – a contemporary or not – who also wanted to gain more familiarity with services, and the two (or more) of you could stumble along and learn new skills TOGETHER????

Recently, two Hebrew School families genuinely inspired me in this regard. Each family was preparing for its first Bar Mitzvah ceremony, and the parents decided to lean into their mutual feelings of anxiety, and began to partner on nearly every aspect of the Big Day preparations. Neither was the expert; neither was the mentor! Just two families – and two individuals in particular – sharing all aspects of the stresses and successes, the frustration and fun. When the Bar Mitzvah weekend for each family arrived, the other family came to Thursday morning minyan, Friday evening services, and Saturday’s main service to support one another. It was marvelous to witness, start to finish!

But there’s no reason this needs to be limited to families preparing for a Bat or Bar Mitzvah! What if you just wanted to attend a Friday night service? Or the Congregational Dinner? Or an Ohev Players performance? It’s a little intimidating to walk into ANYTHING alone, feeling like an outsider. And while a mentor-mentee relationship is sometimes beneficial, I think a buddy-system, when you’re slogging along as equals, can be equally powerful and empowering… if not more so!

I invite you to give it some thought. If you’re considering exploring some aspect of Jewish and/or synagogue life, but aren’t sure how or where to get started, maybe you can partner up with someone and figure it out with your new “buddy.” This isn’t meant to become another “should” on your to-do list, but an invitation to feel more at home at Ohev. You may start out as buddies with one goal in mind, but you could potentially wind up with a new life-long friend!

Sincerely,

Rabbi Gerber