Rosh Hashanah 5777 - Day 1 Sermon

As I've done in previous years, I am posting my High Holiday sermons here on the blog. If you're planning on joining us for Yom Kippur, here's your chance to catch up on this year's holiday theme. If you heard it, but can't remember what I said, I guess this is kind of like a transcript! :-) Or maybe you're just curious to know what I spoke about. The only other thing I'll say, by way of introduction, is that our synagogue president, Rich Kaplan, had just finished telling the community that I had re-signed with Ohev Shalom for another seven year contract! That should help explain my first sentence... (And please feel free to post reactions/thoughts/comments on the sermon. Thanks!)

Rosh Hashanah 5777, Day One, D’var Torah

Shanah Tovah!
       Well, now you know; you’re stuck with me. We have seven more years together, fifteen in total, and who knows where we’ll go from there. It’s hard to believe. But I want to tell you honestly, from the heart, how thrilled Rebecca and I – and now Caroline and Max – are to be a part of this community. You have done so much for us, and you are such a central and crucial part of our lives, that we really did not hesitate for a moment to re-sign with Ohev Shalom. I want to especially thank Rich Kaplan for your leadership, support, and friendship, together with our three terrific VPs, Amy, Joel, and David, and a special thanks to Matt Tashman and David Pollack, who negotiated the contract with me, and who made the whole process feel like three friends sitting down and trying to work together as a team to make this happen. I feel really, really blessed.
I do think, however, that this whole thing surprises some people. From time to time, I hear from congregants – usually second- or third-hand – that there’s speculation about when I’ll leave, not if. I don’t believe they WANT me to go, but the assumption is that, obviously, Rebecca and I want something else. Eventually we must want an enormous congregation, a big city, a broader reach; it’s only a matter of time, right? Well, I hope we’ve laid some, if not most, of that to rest, at least for the next seven-plus years. We are home.
I want to take a moment and explore with you the assumption that people were making. “We must want more.” Doesn’t everyone? More, bigger, faster, greater… I don’t know. Do we? Is that the ideal? Our ancient rabbis, in a book entitled “The Ethics of Our Fathers,” “Pirkei Avot,” wrote, “Eizehu Ashir? Ha-sameiach b’Chelko?” “Who is wealthy? One who is happy with his or her portion.” It sounds SO simple. “Just be content with what you’ve got.” Well, you and I know, that’s HARD to do! It’s difficult to allow ourselves to be happy, content, satisfied with what we have. Sometimes (often), we DO want more, we want bigger… we want perfection. Otherwise we’re lazy, right? We need always be striving, reaching, and challenging ourselves, or else we’re just slackers.
My High Holiday theme, the focal word of which I am about to unveil to you in another minute, centers on “Good Enough.” Which I’m sure at least some of you hear as me saying we should settle. “Good Enough” sounds like a cop out, a giving up. But that is NOT the message I want to convey. “Good Enough” can be GOOD. Just “good.” We come here on the High Holidays and we talk about repentance, but I’m not sure any of us REALLY know what we’re repenting for, or what we’re repenting TO! We sometimes feel we need to apologize for not being perfect. Let me save you the suspense; we are not perfect. None of us. And after Yom Kippur is over, we STILL won’t be perfect.
We need to find that balance where we’re challenging ourselves to do a little better, while still accepting our imperfect, broken, flawed, Good Enough-selves. But it might surprise you to hear how my theme word for this year reflects that value.
This High Holiday season, I want to talk to you about the Hebrew word, “Kavod.” We usually translate “Kavod” as “honor” or “respect.” It is also commonly used to mean “glory,” as in the famous phrases from our Siddur, “Baruch Sheim KEVOD Malchuto l’Olam va’Ed,” or “Baruch KEVOD Adonai mi’Mekomo.” These well-known lines tell us that the KAVOD of God, or of God’s Name, fills the earth, it radiates all around us. We are indeed talking about God’s tremendous Glory, or the respect and honor we show to God. (Pause) Soooo, how can this be my key word for a sermon theme on “Good Enough”? How do respect, honor, and glory relate to being content and satisfied? That is a great question… and I’m going to ask you to hold onto it for just a little bit longer.
If you’ve been coming here for any of the last seven years, you may also know that I try to tie a metaphor to my theme as well. In the past, I’ve used Biblical quotes on a Sanctuary wall in England, ripples spreading outward across the surface of water, or pieces of a puzzle that come together to form an image – I believe, I hope, that my holiday theme-message AND the metaphor will come together to illustrate my point. (Pause) Let’s see if it works…
If you look up at the Sanctuary walls to the left and right, you see the beautiful mosaic panels of our newly dedicated Children of Israel Collection. A year ago, we had completed half the project, and now it is finally complete, and well over 120 of you participated in making these incredible pieces of art. But there is a problem with them. We call them the “Children of Israel,” and we say they reflect who we are, but only one in fourteen is a woman, Dinah. And they don’t reflect racial diversity, they don’t necessarily represent our religious diversity, as our community contains many, many interfaith families, and though we don’t KNOW this for sure, and can never know, they don’t overtly reflect a spectrum of sexual orientation or sexual identity either. I can’t fix all of that. Our Bible is a product of its time; but I want to name that challenge for us today, and dedicate my sermons this year to diversity in our community. I am seeking ways to make these panels represent all of us, either in what you see, or in what you DON’T see. That is my plan. I’ll admit, it isn’t perfect… but maybe it’s good enough.
You see, all the names on our walls were indeed children (or grandchildren) of our patriarch, Jacob, also known as Israel, so the name of our collection makes sense. But for each of my sermons this year I would also like to highlight one of our Jewish matriarchs. Let’s face it, it would have been hard for Jacob to produce even one of these kids all on his own! But I also don’t want to speak about our four “classic” matriarchs, Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah.
I want to speak about the four women who birthed Jacob twelve sons and a daughter, namely Leah and Rachel, but also Bilhah and Zilpah. If you’ve never heard those last two names, I invite you to come back for more holiday services, and hopefully I can shed a little light on them for us all. By naming these four women, my intention is to acknowledge and honor more than just the male, Jewish, white, cisgendered names you see on these walls. Our history is deeper and more nuanced, and certainly our present and future is as well.
Today, I want to start my series on Kavod, and on Good Enough, by telling you about Leah, Jacob’s first wife. Hers is a pretty tragic story. Jacob wanted to marry her sister, Rachel, but their father, Laban, tricked Jacob into marrying Leah first, and made him work longer to earn Rachel’s hand as well. In a cruel twist of fate, Rachel couldn’t have any children, at least not at first, but Leah had no such trouble. Not only does she give birth to four sons in rapid succession, but the Torah tells us she named her sons herself, perhaps because Jacob didn’t care to take the time. And the names she chooses are SO painful for us to hear. She calls her first son, Reuven, meaning “now my husband will love me.” (Gen. 29:32) It cuts you right in the heart to hear such a thing. Simeon, her second son, was so named because, “Adonai has heard that I was unloved, and has given me this one as well.” (33) And Leah called her third son Levi, meaning: “This time my husband will become attached to me, for I have borne him three sons.” (34)
Her pain is unmistakable. Jacob can’t see her… except when he wants something. There is no honor in this relationship, no respect at all. And certainly, no glory.
But then, Leah grabs hold of her own fate. She doesn’t need him. She finds glory and honor elsewhere, in herself and in her children. Her fourth son, Judah, from whom we derive the term “Jew,” is given a name meaning: “This time I will praise Adonai.” (35) Our Etz Hayim Chumash writes in the commentary on this verse that, “Her heartfelt prayer of thanks reflects her having grown from self-concern and a focus on what she lacked to a genuine sense of appreciation for what was hers.” Is it a perfect scenario? No, of course not. We don’t get to choose all the factors in our lives. But when we honor ourselves, and we honor our own accomplishments and abilities, and the things for which we should be grateful, our lives are good. They are Good Enough.
So what do I mean when I say our theme this year is “Kavod”? Last year, we spoke about Ahavah, Love. Love is the peak, it is the ideal. We want to love ourselves, and love the people around us, and our community, and God, and, and, and. That all sounds terrific. I know. I said it… last year! But love is hard. Sometimes it is truly difficult – it can even feel impossible – to get there. One of the Ten Commandments, the one regarding our parents, says “HONOR [Kaved] your father and your mother.” From our same root word, Kavod. The rabbis jump all over this. Why not love!?! Why just “honor” your parents???
Because family relationships can be tough. Just look at this morning’s Torah reading, about Abraham, Sarah, Hagar, and their children. Relationships are so complex, so fraught with difficult emotions, you cannot always command yourself to love. Leah prayed fervently for God to command Jacob to love her. Life doesn’t always work that way. But we also don’t have to walk away, if we cannot reach that peak.
We aren’t limited to just two options, or at least we shouldn’t be. That’s why I’m talking to you here today. We don’t have to EITHER love with all our hearts, and souls, and might OR cut ties, burn bridges, and HATE The Other. And I’ll be speaking more about this throughout our holiday services together – about how we relate to our community, and Israel, and other people around us. In this Season of Repentance, I want to talk to you about four ways to find that middle road, to seek improvement, but without judgment. To strive for better, while also being kind and compassionate… and forgiving. And our matriarch this morning, Leah, reminds us that we need to take care of, and honor, ourselves.
Let me give you one more example of how you can do this. I am sure in each of our lives, there are many ways that this can be done. I invite and encourage you to examine yourself – in this season of self-examination – and find areas where you can treat yourself with more honor and respect, either by giving a little extra effort OR by easing off the throttle, giving yourself a break,
and showing yourself some more compassion. It’s not a cop out! It’s not settling. It’s leaning into Good Enough. But since we’re sitting here in a synagogue, and you’re listening to a rabbi, let me also give you a religious example. Let’s talk about observance, and commitment to Judaism. Here it comes, folks: The opposite of my Guilt-Free Judaism speech! It’s the Guilt-Is-Back Speech!!
Ok, you obviously know that’s not true, especially if you’ve listening to anything I’ve said these past 12 minutes. Last year, on the 2nd day of Rosh Hashanah, I introduced a concept, that I want to reinforce for you today. Does it count as plagiarism if I’m quoting myself? A year ago, I spoke about my frustration with our current Jewish lingo. If you keep Shabbat or keep Kosher, you are called Shomer Shabbat or Shomer Kashrut; Shomer Shabbes. And if you don’t observe the laws PERFECTLY, there’s no other term for you. It’s all or nothing. Last year I said, “If you, for instance, come to Friday night services, but then go to the Phillies game or go out to dinner at a restaurant - AND do NOT order Kosher food - I still say you brought Shabbat into your life, and that constitutes real commitment. If you keep a Kosher home but don’t eat Kosher food outside, that too represents genuine, heartfelt dedication to Judaism. I cannot call that “Shomer Shabbat” or “Shomer Kashrut,” but maybe I don’t need to. Or want to. It is hurting us, as a people, to define ourselves as good or bad.”
In that speech, a year ago, I made up a new term. Well, I had the idea, and developed the concept, but then I couldn’t think of a name. And it was Rabbi Miller, with whom I had then only worked for a month or two, who actually came up with the perfect term. And though I unveiled it last year, it’s actually perfect for this year’s theme. We need a new category, an in-between option that’s more than nothing but less than fully observant. I submit to you, “Mechabeid Shabbat” and “Mechabeid Kashrut,” “Honoring Shabbat” and “Honoring our Dietary Laws.” Just as love is the pinnacle of a relationship, Shomer Shabbat is the pinnacle of ritual adherence. Mechabeid Shabbat is Good Enough, but not in a way that connotes settling or falling short. Good Enough is GOOD.
So let me turn the spotlight on all of you. Is there room for “Mechabeid Kashrut” in your lives? You don’t need to be an Orthodox Jew, or even – God forbid – a rabbi. But is there a place for Good Enough, for honoring yourself by infusing life with more joy, meaning, and spirituality in your daily experiences? To add one practice, or one more intention to the way you live your life today? To not feel you need to make excuses for your level of knowledge or spirituality, while simultaneously challenging yourself to remain on that journey, to remain in relationship with your Judaism?
This is my invitation. I’ll echo my sentiment from last year: “Bring your authentic selves; bring all aspects of your struggles with Judaism and its rituals, and leave behind the obstacles and barriers that you think Judaism has put up to keep you at bay. Judaism is not holding you at arm’s length; it is inviting you in.” Like our great ancestor, Leah, we too can flip the script and break the cycle of negativity and self-judgment. In that way, it isn’t just “Mechabeid Shabbat” or “Mechabeid Kashrut,” it’s also “Mechabeid et Atzmecha/Atzmeich,” “Honor and Respect Yourself.” Use the opportunity of these holidays to strive and push to be more content and happy, and it will make each and every one of us truly and gloriously wealthy indeed.
Shanah Tovah!