Mishpatim: (Flexible) Rules to Live By

I'm back! After four weeks on paternity leave, I have returned to work at the synagogue. It's amazing how fast four weeks FLIES by. I find it difficult already, having to be away from my new daughter and my wife, but life has to be a balance, right? We cannot spend our lives on parental leave; it would most likely lose its appeal (I guess...). Perhaps the fact that it was just four, short weeks long is precisely what made it so precious, so special. But it's never easy when you have to change course so abruptly, and you feel yourself pulled in many conflicting directions.

Which leads me, perhaps not so surprisingly, to this week's Torah portion. It's called Mishpatim - meaning 'laws' - and it begins a new section of the Torah, where the narrative takes a back seat (fully strapped in, of course), and we begin to list all the commandments

that God has handed down to Moses. We learn about civil laws, liability laws, criminal laws, ritual laws, financial laws, and family laws. And quite frankly, it's a bit overwhelming. In this particular moment in my life, it reminds me of the tension and challenge of parenting. Lord knows, there are literally THOUSANDS of books out there about how to parent; and they all give conflicting advice. 'Make sure not to overfeed your child. But definitely don't underfeed either!! Give precisely enough, but every few days (or hours...) you need to increase that amount. Feed at precise times, but be flexible. Let your child guide the process, but establish a schedule and stick to it...' And so on, and so forth. It's all trying to be helpful, but it winds up making things more difficult and confusing. 

So who are we supposed to listen to? And how do we know when we've done the 'right' thing? This is true for both parenting and the laws of the Torah. Our commandments can be confusing as well. The rabbis pose a dilemma, asking what a child should do if his/her parent asks the child to steal. 

On the one hand, obeying our parents is one of the Ten Commandments. But on the other, so is the prohibition against stealing. Or what happens when the Torah tells us to preserve life above everything else, but then instructs us to stone to death a stubborn and rebellious child??? I think both the Jewish mitzvot and the 'commandments' of parenting come with a VERY steep learning curve. And they also require some trial and error. How will you know what your standard of keeping Kosher will be, if you haven't experimented with it, tested it, pushed its boundaries, and challenged yourself to be more observant? 

I suppose one of the main realizations I've come to - regarding both Judaism and my new-found career as a father - is that there's a lot of on-the-job training. You learn as you go. As long as you insist that it's

a theoretical issue, you're never going to learn as much as you would 'down in the trenches.' Jump in, get your hands dirty, and see what it feels like. We learn so much more through DOING than we do through just thinking or talking. A good friend recently put my mind at ease about all the mistakes I'm probably making with my child. He said, 'by now, four weeks in, I have no doubt that you and your wife are the foremost experts on YOUR child.' I certainly don't feel like much of an expert, but I'm definitely learning. And I'm doing my best not to feel overwhelmed. 

As I look at this week's parashah, I'm beginning to realize that the same is true for Judaism as well. I'm not an expert (but don't tell my congregants...), and I'm constantly learning. I've just been doing this for a bit longer than I have parenting. Sometimes the learning curve still feels pretty steep though...

Photos in this blog post:

1. Image courtesy of Caroline Dena Gerber, almost fully strapped into her car seat.

2.CC image courtesy of glen edelson on Flickr

3. CC image courtesy of Timitrius on Flickr